There was a big Hurricane going to happen out in the pacific it was in Fiji . It was a nice sunny day, with no clouds two boys were working on a sugar plantation there names were Jack and Jeremy and thay don't know a hurricane was coming. Wind starts to roll in with dark clouds so the boys decide to return home but before thay got home a tornado arrives so thay go in to a house that is two storey then the roof ripped off thay try to go upstairs to cover the roof. But the ferocious wind won't let them....
by Adam
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Adam - Hurricane
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nice story use more descriptive language next time
ReplyDeleteBy Jordan
Dear Adam,
ReplyDeleteYou've used some brilliant powerful language - I particularly love when you say "Wind starts to roll in with dark clouds".
Next time, make sure you proof-read and edit to make sure you've got full stops where you need them!
All the best,
Miss Dodd
Team 100WC
(Banbury - UK)