Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Alyssa McN- The storm



I'm walking though the beautiful garden, taking in the view, flowers, bees and butterfly's. Then I notice that it became awfully cold and windy. I rush inside to tell my Mother. Mother came to me and said "get the animals inside now, there's going to be a storm!","...but the ferocious winds..." But mother just stares at me and tells me to get a move on. I dash outside again to grab the animals, but the animals are everywhere, how will I get them all before the storm strikes,how will the storm turn out, like no one knows.....for now?!


From Alyssa 

5 comments:

  1. I really like this story, nice descriptive language

    Riley

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  2. Great work!
    I love your use of words and how you explained how you were ' taking in the view '.
    Next time you could work on your punctuation.
    Awesome though!

    Caitlin Rm 11

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  3. good use of description. and the story was really good


    By Jordan

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  4. I REALY LIKE YOUR STORY, LOOKS LIKE YOU PUT LOTS OF THOGHT INTO IT.
    KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK :)
    - CHAVAWN

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  5. Hi Alyssa,
    Lovely story. I really enjoyed reading this. It put me in mind of the beginning of 'The Wizard of Oz' just before the storm hits Dorothy's home! Well done for writing a piece which makes the reader think!
    I also like how you've left the ending as a cliffhanger. Who knows how the story will turn out!
    Well done to you.
    Thomas (Team 100WC Ireland)

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