Brooklynn
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Brooklyn - The smell
Whats that i thought to myself as i went past the container that was left on the bench, i could also smell something that smelt a bit strange coming from the kitchen. Not really thinking about things i kept doing what i was in the kitchen for in the first place, which was to get myself some food after school. I was about to leave the kitchen and it got the better of me so i opened the lid....and to my surprise there was this unusual looking mixture i stuck my nose down to have a smell and it started to bubble.
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HI Brooklyn,
ReplyDeleteWhat an intriguing beginning...I feel like it could lead to a magical type of story! You have very good spelling. Don't forget to capitalize 'I' though! Also, put quotes around dialogue, even if it's thoughts that aren't spoken. To use the example from your story, it should be: "What's that?" I thought to myself. As I went past...
Keep on using that imagination and practicing with the punctuation to make your writing easy to read.
Mrs. Sengstock from 5JR in Illinois
100WC Team
Okay. This is the 3rd time I have tried to publish my comment. I am not sure why it isn't working.
ReplyDeleteHi Brooklyn, Your writing is creative and fun. It has a lot of potential. Be sure to capitalize "I" each time. Add an apostrophe to "what's". I would like your sentences to be more concise. Also, I would love to know what the smell was!! (LOL) Nice job!